Coony picks up a hitchhiker and regrets every moment of it…
Yeah, how ya goin bruddahs and sistahs?
I ah, I’ve been driving for a while now and, you heard my last discussion about the white pig, that tried to pull me over…
Well… The pigs have been following me ever since and I don’t know why… I’m innocent. I’m an abbo. All abbos an innocent. All abbos are innocent, Ladies and gentlemen you know dat!
We can’t do nutting wrong. Just because of the colour of our skin.
So remember, only whites are racists. We aren’t, we not the racists. We not the bad guys…
Oh crap, better put the exhaust engines on or shit can happen yeah.
So’ we’re not the bad guys… Da white boys are, the crackers…
So anyway. Ever since I got pulled up. By one of dee ah, racist pigs. Oh god now it’s fuckin raining!
Better put the wipers on.
Our eyes are full of jaundice, dey are, yeah dats right. Being an abbo you know. When we drink a flaggen.
Oh speaken of flaggen where’s my fuckin wine?
Oh here we go… I’ve got my wine. Hold on a second, hold on a second.
Oooo a hitchiker! Oh. Oh yeah yeah, I’m going to pull over for dis hitchhiker.
She’s a female. Us abbos, we only think with our penis!
Hold on a second, hold on a second. Just let me get this right…
Oh look out! There’s a boong! There’s a boong! Just missed a boong!
Sleeping on the side of the road as they do.
OK, let’s let this girl catch up.
I’ll just let her catch up and… See where she’s heading… That’s right.
Look at all these udder mudderfuckers going straight past and I’m picking up da hitchhiker…
See us abbos are da good guys! We’re da good guys we are.
Hold on. Just gonna wind down the window. Hope not too much rain gets in…
Can you hear dat rain and… Oh god…
Hello sweet heart, where you headed?
Hitchhooker: It doesn’t matter where I’m heading. It doesn’t matter where I’m heading, I just need a lift!
OK, I can give you a lift if you want. Hop in!
OK, so… There is a bit of a storm out there. You’re lucky I pulled up for you huh?!
Hitchhooker: Don’t. Just don’t talk to me!
Don’t talk to you? I had to pick you up bruddah! Sistah, whatever da fuck you are…
What, what, what’s your name?
Oh oh. Your name’s shitnead. Hullo shitnead, how ya doin?
Hitchhooker: I’m fine, just don’t talk to me. You know what EVER! 1488! WHAT EVER!
OK. You sound a bit bitter to me! Here I am. I’m giving you a lift sistah and you’re being a bit bitter!
What da fucks going on here?
Hitchhooker: You know. I got some food. I just wanna eat! I just wanna eat. Just shut up!
OK, I’ll just shut up and you eat.
Hitchhooker: OK, maybe I’m being a little bit bitter. Did you want some of my food?
What have you got sistah?
Hitchhooker: I’ve got some food! Just eat it already!
Hold on sistah. I’m about to hit another car. Oh shit! (Coony literally almost hit another car, which is why his accent was thrown off LOL)
Dat was close right there. Yeah. Yeah.
OK. So you got some what?
Hitchhooker: I’ve got some vegan meat! I’ll give you the vegan meat and you can give me your opinion! Because I’m tinea!
OK. I’d like to try the vegan meat.
Hitchhooker: Ahh. Oh god! You munch like a motherfucker! Eat the way I do, or don’t eat it!
Sistah, I’m about to kick you out da door! Because of dis shit dat you just fed me!
If you want real meat, I’ll pull over and we’ll kill a kangaroo!
I’ll kill a fuckin kangaroo for you!
But what is dis shit?
Hitchhooker: It’s vegan meat. You, you, you, abbo mutherfucker!
Vegan meat? I don’t even know how to SPELL vegan meat let alone eat it!
Get da fuck outta here, get da fuck outta here, like fuck off!
<Horn blows right after Coony kicks the Hitchhooker outta the truck, for abbo celebration purposes>
Oh! What a bitch! That stupid bitch fed me something that was really disgusting Ladies and Gentlemen.
Oh, you know… She had an accident back there… Da door fell open! It wasn’t me. No bruddah! No it wasn’t me.
For some reason, she just ah, fell out the door!
I don’t know what’s going on there…
Whatever she fed me though, it’s poisoning though I can feel it…
Oh holy shit! HOLY SHIT BRUDDAH! My dicks disappearing!
It was tranny meat!
It was tranny meat! My dick is crawling back up into my abbo stomach!
I’m developing an abbo vagina!
Oh my god bruddah!
I’ve gotta pull over! I’m developing an abbo vagina!
OMG! Dis is terrible!
What da hell did she feed me?
I think it’s something she obviously fed her husband!
Oh goodness gracious! (not that abbos can spell gracious but anyway)
Ohhh, hopefully I speak to you next week…