Coony the Truck Driver

Read along whilst Coony drives his Truck out in the desert:


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So Ladies and Gentlemen.  You’ve gotta be really careful, when you’re driving out this way in the desert.

The reason you have to be careful is because you never know when a boong is going to be sleeping on the road!

That’s right!

Us boongs, for some reason like to sleep on the road!  Rather than in a bed!  I have no idea why.

But, isn’t it lucky that I am a GOOD boong driver!

I’m not one of those bad boong drivers; If I see a coon on the road, I’ve got a pretty sharp eye and I’ll make sure that I stop in time, even though I’ve got, 300 ton on the back.

Oooo look, I think I see a boong!

Oh that was close!

GPS:  Get ready, to turn right.

Ooo I gotta turn right.  I better be careful.

GPS:  Turn right.

This is prime boong territory, out here in the desert Ladies and Gentlemen.  Prime boong territory, you gotta be real careful.

Oooo look, there goes a police officer.  Lucky I didn’t hit that boong back there.  Otherwise they would have had a cleanup job to do.  That’s right.

Oooo, there’s another one!  Look out!  Almost gotcha bruddah!  (brother in coon language)

Ooo he had a cigarette.  Maybe I should stop and ask him for one, I think I’m out.

Hey wheres my, fuckin petrol?

GPS:  Get ready to turn right.

Ooo, look out!

See?  She said, “get ready to turn right”

GPS:  Turn right.

Because, on this particular GPS; They’ve actually got it mapped out where there’s boongs lying on the road.

If the GPS didn’t know where that boong was, I might have ran the bastard over!

Ahh it’s terrible.  It’s just lucky I’ve got a sharp coon eye!  That’s right.

Sings:  They came down from Migathara in a burnt out blue FJ, that farted and just shit itself in in Jutlan Parade.  And we lived?  Right next door to Bondies!

Yeah that’s right bruddah.  We were actually living next to Alan Bond for a while.  But he just didn’t like living next door to coons!

So…

GPS:  Get ready to turn right.

Oh.  See?  This GPS, she knows where the coons are.

GPS:  Turn right.

She’s steering me clear of the coons!

Here we go.

Ahhh there we go.  I saw the coon.

Good girl!  This GPS, she really knows her stuff!

Oh I found a cigarette!  There we go.

Thank goodness, I was gonna go cold turkey bruddah.  Don’t wanna go cold turkey.

Ohh, I’m just gonna reach under the seat.  See if I can find my petrol.

Oh I found an old flaggen!  Didn’t know that was there.

I could’a, could’a drunk that flaggen last week.  When I was out.

Ahh there we go!  There we go under the seat there.  I just gotta reach across.  There we go there’s my can of petrol.

Now we’re cookin with, petrol.  <abbo laughter>  Yep.

Hey don’t you overtake me, you white muddafucka!  Yeah…

Was about to wipe a white muddafucka off the road!  He tried to overtake me.

Yep…

<The sound of something hitting the truck> Oh crap!  There goes a boong…  I, I…  My eye wasn’t sharp enough this time.

Oh no.  Ohh the poor bastard.

Well, you know?  Don’t sleep on the road!  Roads are for driving, not for sleeping.

<Mysterious background voice>  Authorised by the Northern Territory.  <Mysterious laughter>  The Northern Territory government.

Oh, ooo.  Well now I got a funeral to go to.  So I’ll catch you all later.

You stay cool!

Oh ohh.  Anudder boong!

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