No Imagination In Australia

Australian’s really do have to get some imagination happening, I have decided Ladies and Gents.  Allow me to explain.

Yesterday, I accompanied Jimmy’s wife to Sunday school so that I could teach the children a thing or two about Australia.  It was great.  The ages ranged from 3 to around 13 and they were asking all of the right questions.  One little one asked about the kangaroo’s whilst another asked about landslides in Australia.  Even some of the parents dove in and asked a few good ones, such as “What are the predominant religions over in Australia”.  It was a good time.

After we left Sunday school, we decided to grab a bite to eat and I mentioned hotdogs.  Off we went to Ted’s Hotdogs.  Ted’s Hostdogs is this place where you walk in and there is a lad with a grill in front of him.  You tell him if you want a normal size hotdog or a foot long hotdog.  Having not heard of a foot long hotdog before, of course I had to indulge.  “Foot long please” I said.  He threw it on the grill and it started slowly cooking as the line in front of us slowly moved along.  By the time you reach the sauce girl, the hotdog is ready to rumble.  You let the sauce girl know what you want before moving on to the drink girl.  “Ketchup, mustard and chilli sauce please” and for the drink, Jimmy’s mrs advised the Loganberry, so Loganberry it was.  YUM!  Don’t forget too, that this is all done right there in front of you including the cooking.  The lad cooking if facing you because the grill is right there.

Now my point of explaining this, is that we don’t have this kind of thing in Australia.  Australia really does lack imagination when it comes to food.  Whilst we may have Wendy’s, which is a hotdog place back home, it’s a boring old boiled dog on a bun with no imagination behind it.  And let me tell you, a grilled dog craps all over a boiled one.  Bloody hell that was delicious.  Huge too.  Loved every bite of it.

This is not the only store however, where imagination is dancing to a fine tune.  Nope, no siree.  There are stores all over the U.S. that just scream of fun fun fun for that tum tum tum and I can’t help but think that it has something to do with the amount of people that America has.  300,000,000+ people of course creates more companies and more companies means more competition.  With so much competition, compared to our measly 24 million people in Oz, one is forced to use some imagination, to be able to make any money.  Think about it.  A hotdog shop opens up and then across the street another hotdog shop opens up.  Hmmm, what can we do to make better hotdogs than the place across the street?  FOOT LONG!!  Yeah baby!

They say that America is a fat country and with so many of these food chains and such jotted all around the place, I can see why, but don’t forget that per capita, Australia was a fatter country back in early 2000’s onwards and we don’t really have that many food chains.  At least not compared to that of the U.S.  Aussies are just fat and lazy bastards with no imaginations.  If we’re going to get fat, we might as well eat somewhere with some imagination.

Pricing is another thing too.  Again, because of so much competition, these businesses keep their prices low and their food servings, high in quantity.  They don’t scab out on you that’s for sure and when you ask for a medium Loganberry here, fuck me and call me stinky, they are gigantic!  The whole cost of my order and Jimmy’s wifes order, was a mere 11 bucks.  With what we purchased between each other, it would have come close to 20 bucks in Australia.  And I ain’t talking currency exchange either.  Even the exchange between the two countries does not add up.  America just has excellent stuff at cheap prices.

This morning I woke up and thought, ‘I might make my way over to Ted’s Hotdogs and get me a couple of foot longs but then I was reading an article today about Hilary Duff being cornered by the gay arse vegan police, because she speared a couple of fish in their little fishy heads to cook them up, so today, I am going to eat a heap of fish, in an effort to support the killing of more fish, just to stick it to these hippy vegan retards.  You hear that hippy vegan retards?  You’re the cause of more dead fish!  If you just shut your fucking pie hole and let people be who they are, people like me won’t be getting out there to kill more fish out of spite.  I can’t stand these pieces of shit that think for a moment, that because they choose a certain way of life, that everybody else should too.  Fuck off and get hit by traffic vegan tard, whilst I go and cook myself a big slab of dead cow!  YUMMY!

Any way, Australia indeed lacks imagination when it comes to it’s food stores and the best you could hope for is McFuckles or KFC when it comes to lashing out for some junk food.  Just generic, boring shit.  Even the way that the stores are decked out here is so much better than what we have in Australia.  The way that everything is so accessible.  For instance there are still many places around Australia where you have to ask for napkins, whereas in America, you can grab your own no matter where you go.  At least here in New York.

I was going to go into how you don’t have to touch anything in their toilets because everything is automatic.  Even their paper towel dispensers in the Seneca Casino is automatic and spits out paper when you put your hands under it.  I kept putting my hands under it just to watch the paper spit out.

I love this fuckin place.


3 thoughts on “No Imagination In Australia

  1. LOL!!! This why I love listening to you Mate!!! Glad to hear you are having a bloody good time on holiday. Yes, the Yanks do have a pretty good standard of living. Hopefully with Trump getting in, more Americans will realise that. Back in Boston the kaffir “comedian” Wanda DYKES, got upset that her Trump-bashing didn’t go over well with the audience. I am so fucking glad that these lefty wankers are getting their arses handed to them.


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